10
May 2010, London – Yesterday’s
(Sunday, 9th
May) 'Philosophers'
Football Match,' a real life re-staging of the classic 1972 Monty Python sketch
where ancient Greek philosophers battled it out with various 19th
century
German thinkers, saw a decisive 'German' victory over their ancient rivals, the
'Greeks'.
In a game marked by more false moves than a first year's logic proof, the
Germans beat all the odds – including even their own uneven argumentation –
to triumph over their grudge rivals, the Greeks, in a 3-1 drubbing.
“Some people say Philosophy is Reason in Tweeds. On this evidence, Football is
Philosophy in a Jockstrap,” noted one disgruntled set of fans – not believed
to be from Neasden.
The comic 'grudge' fixture of 'Socrates Wanderers' (the luckless Greeks) versus
'Nietzsche Albion' (the unforgiving Germans) took place at Wingate &
Finchley’s Harry Abrahams Stadium in North London (see www.philosophersfootball.com).
Former England Manager Graham Taylor and Professional Philosopher AC Grayling
organised tactics while comedians Arthur Smith and Mark Steel, historian Bettany
Hughes and Ex-England Cricketer Simon Hughes, as well as assorted footballers,
sorry, philosophers!
such
as Julian Baggini, Nigel Warburton, Simon Glendinning, Dr Stephen Law, Angie
Hobbs and Mark Vernon took part to raise awareness of The Philosophy Shop’s 'Four
Rs' campaign (http://www.philosophersfootball.com/4rs-campaign/overview).
The game was set up to promote the group's campaign that 'reasoning' should be
on the timetable for our children even at primary school level as much as
reading and writing.
Some 400 spectators forewent watching their favourite Premiership teams on the
last day of the 2009-10 season to enjoy the spectacle, officially blessed by all
surviving Pythons, who also donated a signed trophy football that was also sold
on eBay the same day.
The Greeks' Andy Day, one of The Philosophy Shop's consultants, broke the
deadlock in a first half characterised by poorer ball control than Archimedes in
a gelatine bath. But the Germans evened the honours in a second half marred by
egregious fouling, a Philosophy streaker, and the well-deserved sending-off of
German scoundrel comedian Arthur Schopenhauer Smith (who was cashiered for
nicking Ref Open University’s Nigel Warburton’s spectacles).
London University Philosopher Anthony Carroll's duet of goals for the slick
post-Kantians stitched the clash up tighter than Wittgenstein's trousers and all
was quiet – apart from the crowd's lamentable attempt at a Mexican wave,
Finchley style.
A clincher from the relentless Teutons in the form of Manchester University’s
Thomas Porter's tap-in put the match to rest.
German Manager Philosopher AC Grayling commented, “My
Teutonic lads and lasses have played the game of their careers. I have often
wondered whether the Greeks could really cut in on the football field. The
Socratic Realm of Forms is all very well in theory, but once subjected it to a
bit of rigorous footwork, it yields a weak defence. Did any of us see a decent
pass out there on the park today? No surprise then that my Germans, calling upon
the resources of the Kantian noumental realm, had these philosophical precursors
by the short and curlies.”
Downcast oppo Graham Taylor praised his side's commitment: “Well, it’s the
inevitability of jammy German success, isn’t it! Obviously, what it comes down
to is how many justified true beliefs you have in the back of the old onion bag,
as I always say – and today is no different. But remember, all Philosophy is a
footnote to Pele...”
“Thanks to everyone’s enthusiasm and generosity, we have had an amazing and
memorable event. It was a victory to the Germans on the day, of course – but
also to Philosophy, and to getting people thinking about Philosophy in schools,”
says Peter Worley, The Philosophy Shop Director.
"It
seems reasonable to teach children to reason; and unreasonable not to." –
Python and
iconoclast Terry Jones. On The Bench.
"A
great footballer achieves that status as much through his ability to think on
his feet and read a game as it does from training or innate ability. How could
anyone not agree that teaching children to think about everything in their lives
wouldn't be just as useful?" - Gary
Lineker, Broadcaster, English Football Hall Of Fame Inductee. Reported To Be
Planning Move To Top Brazilian Team. Top Brazilian Team As Yet Unaware Of This.
“I
didn’t think I would ever be managing the Socrates Wanderers. But the project
is an important one, as well as being a fun event.” - Former
Watford, Aston Villa And England Gaffer Graham Taylor. Manager.
“Wouldn't
it be amazing if our age was remembered not for its greed, or aggression, or
foolishness - but for its belief in expanding minds? The Philosophy Shop makes
that a possibility. Who could deny it is a good idea to help make our kids
lovers of wisdom?” –
Bettany Hughes. Secret Throw-In Force. So Secret No-One Knows If She Can
Actually Do A Throw-In.
"This
is a great idea, I think. At least, I think
I
think that." – Comedian
and writer Andy Hamilton. Mid Field. Contesting A Three Match Ban For Use Of
Dialectic
"Children
are philosophers by nature and should be given every opportunity to think and
enquire and become like Socrates in their own right." – Philosopher
AC Grayling. In The Stands After Barracking The Fourth Official For Crass
Determinism.
“Everything
I know about football I learnt from the great philosophers.” – Comedian
Arthur ‘Schopenhauer’ Smith. Striker.
"Chasing
a bit of inflated leather around a park may not be the most rational activity
known to humankind. But in this instance, it's in pursuit of a tremendously
worthwhile goal. Philosophy is a valuable resource for thinking and it is a
tragedy that almost everyone leaves school in this country oblivious to what it
has to offer." –
Philosopher Julian Baggini. Centre Back.
“I
cannot imagine any ingredient which would make a more welcome addition to the
national diet than a large dash of reasoning.” –
Sociologist Laurie Taylor. Rumoured To Be Bringing The Brass Section.
“Philosophy
is not a spectator sport. If you want to study it, you have to do it.” – Philosopher
Nigel Warburton. Ref.
“I’m
very happy to be supporting this initiative to introduce primary school children
to Philosophy.” –
Journalist Ariane Sherine. Sweeper.
“Life
is a game. In fact life is just like a game of football – but only Jesus got
to play extra time.” –
Tony Hawks. Comedian, Writer, Musician
and Philanthropist. Has Been Quoted As Determined To Hack Old Foe Epicurus Off
The Park.
“Children
are natural 'philosophers'. They really have the curiosity, zest and
open-mindedness to explore the big questions."–
Angela Hobbs, Philosopher. Winger. Only England Fan Alive Who Actually Thinks
The Germans Have A Point About The '66 3rd Goal.
“The
football match is a brilliant idea ... but will it really be happening if one is
not there... ???” –
John Humphrys. Broadcaster, Journalist.
UEFA Rules Trivia Geek.
For
more information about The Philosophers Football Match 2010, visit
www.philosophersfootball.com
or email thinking@philosophersfootball.com
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