CAPITOL STEPS: WHEN BUSH COMES TO SHOVE

Surgeon General's Warning: "The Capitol Steps will cause your sides to split." (C. Everett Koop, 1/6/89)

#2: Donít go faking youíre smart    (Obviously, you have to listen to the song to fully appreciate it.)

LAURA BUSH: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, Iím Laura Bush. Itís so wonderful to be with you here tonight and share a giggle. Well, without further ado let me introduce my husband and your president, George W. Bush. (music) Now, honey, you know, Iím really worried about you. Youíre still staying up so late night after night. Are you still cramming those Afghani language lessons?

GEORGE W. BUSH: Yes, I am, honey. But I tell you, itís paying off, check it out. (gobbledegook)

LAURA BUSH: Well, I certainly am impressed.

GEORGE W. BUSH: Yeah and when we catch Bin Laden I wanna be able to look him in the eye and tell him in his eye and tell him in his own language exactly what weíre gonna do to him. So far Iíve found translations for words like "nostril", "burning hot poker", but I canít seem to find an Afghani translation for "Lorena Bobbitt".

LAURA BUSH: Well, George, you know, up until recently and how can I say this is a nice way? Up until recently you certainly hid your intelligence well.

GEORGE W. BUSH: Well, honey, I think most Americans are starting to realize that that was all just an act, just a big [?ÖÖÖ.?]. I think my down-home manner, my self-defecating (!) humor were Ö, these things were endearing and charming to the American people. Americans like the idea that they were smarter than the president. I mean, hey, nobody likes a know-it-all, but make no mistake, times are changing.

LAURA BUSH: George, donít misunderstand me,

I hope that you will think twice

Before you open your mouth.

Please, hear these words of advice:

Donít go faking you are smart.

GEORGE W. BUSH. I couldnít if I tried.

LAURA BUSH: Oh, honey when you try those big words.

GEORGE W. BUSH: I get so tongue-tied. OK, just ask me questions, letís start.

LAURA BUSH: Iíve got a difficult one.

GEORGE W. BUSH: Bring it on!

LAURA BUSH: Whatís the goal of the space program now?

GEORGE W. BUSH: To land a man on the sun. Of course, itíll be rather hot. So theyíll probably want to do it at night.

LAURA BUSH & GEORGE W. BUSH: Uh, uh, America knows it.

GEORGE W. BUSH: America knows.

LAURA BUSH: Itís good that you are tough enough.

GEORGE W. BUSH: And just smart enough.

LAURA BUSH & GEORGE W. BUSH: Uh, Uh America knows it.

GEORGE W. BUSH: America knows.

LAURA BUSH: You are winning this war.

GEORGE W. BUSH: And thereís just one thing more: they are glad Iím not Al Gore.

(Anyway, thatís what I could make out. W.E.P.)

                                         For more information turn to: www.capsteps.com

THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE